You know those feel good postcards about life?

Once upon a time I really wanted to be popular,
    because I thought that if I was popular I would be happy because everyone would like me.

Then some years later I thought, only if I would be super smart,
   because then I would get my work done really quickly, have lots of time to do more stuff, and be more useful to people. And then I would be happy.

And then I went through that stage when I thought if only I was really beautiful, and neat, and impeccably well presented, people would accept me then, and I would be happy.

I almost went through a stage thinking if I would just be super kind and nice to people then they would like me... and I would be happy. But I figured that is manipulative and I despise that. And besides we should all be nice and kind and gentle to one another any way because that is what God's ultimate will is.

I guess the big realisation is... that while all these things have some truth to them, which makes them so attractive, the thread going through all of them is me and my happiness.

And then the penny dropped.... happiness has to come from within me. And since I suffer the scars from decades of depression, I still haven't found a solution.

Life postcards are lame 5 second feel good hits.

This blog post?  I got nuthin' sorry.

Interconnected Life

So lately I've been getting into the whole - how much can I automate or remotely control thing?

My brother has been exceptionally helpful in this in that he's played with this physically and actually for years and has done a lot of research in what's out there. Whereas I've just always thought and dreamed about it.

So lately I've had this idea. And it's kind of shocking how big it is. But I'm wondering how nebulous it is and how much I can make it real. So it's been fascinating to explore the practical realities of what is there right now today. How much we can do. And every day there is an app or a device to feed into this. It's like the whole world is on the cusp of this idea. And I would not be at all surprised if others have come up with the same idea because it's kind of simple.

So right now you are wondering, what's this idea? And... at this stage I'm not going to say. Business opportunities and all that.

Let's just say I'm super excited by the future.

When running away means people think that they've won

I always keep in mind a saying that I think I first heard Tolkein quote "a man convinced against his will, is of his own mind still".

So, I pick my battles. I only have so much emotional energy and there are some things I will stand up and fight for, and other things that I'll let through to the keeper.

Just because I let some things through does not mean I agree with them.

How often is that people think they've "won" an argument. By what measure do they take this victory? People's words?

Unless you've won people's hearts, you've won nothing - you've just won words. And even then only the words that are spoken not the words in people's hearts and minds. And often just your own words. The other party may not have even spoken them.

That's winning nothing. Why are you wasting your energy speaking in the first place?

I run away, I save energy for other battles, I win and you don't even know it.

If I was to run a 'How to lose weight' class..

Instead I'll just write a blogpost. 'Cos that's what you do these days.

It would go like this...

1. Learn a fundamental physics law  ie the law of energy conservation. Bastardised into popular parlance that's 'energy in equals energy out'. After all the airy fairy pouncing around some of the eyeroll exercise inducing things I've read, let's start and finish with that.

2. Learn basic self awareness and philosophical obviousness. ie ask yourself a very basic question 'Am I hungry?'

Ok the second one could be teased out a bit but pretty much anyone can do this for themselves - it does not require a shrink degree, just some acceptance of responsibility for self.

So like, you're standing in front of the refrigerator, with the refrigerator door open, looking at the refrigerator contents.

Why?

Here is THE question that matters:

Are you hungry?

Maybe it's just me, but a lot of the time I find myself doing this because, I'm bored, or I just happened to be over there, or I know there is something particularly yummy in there, or actually I haven't really thought about it at all. But if I were to ACTUALLY ASK THAT QUESTION... the answer would be...

No.

Ok... so this is step one for taking responsibility for my actions. ***realising that I am doing this***. It is a **super** useful question. Because, and actually it's another physics thing (cause and effect)... if I eat something at this time, most likely I do not actually need to eat. And if I'm eating something that I don't need to eat, then number 1 comes into play - I will not by living burn off the energy I have consumed.

The other part of when to ask this question is half way through eating stuff. So that is, portion sizes. I would suggest that for a lot of us in the Western world our portion sizes are between 2x to 4x what we need. And we eat too fast.

Fight or Flight

In recent times I'm being told it's my fault if I'm not being heard.

I've thought about that a bit.

I've decided the following:

1. I only have so much emotional energy

2. I can spend that energy on struggling and fighting to be heard

OR

2. I can spend that energy on nurturing myself and any one of a few options of being quiet and content that I'm ok with myself, or moving on and leaving.

3. Nothing justifies moaning about the situation. It's life. Get over it. Get over it by struggling and wrenching from it what you want/need/deserve, or being content and sliding on by.

Always liked slides. That winging feeling. Free fall and freedom.

Opportunity Planning

Continuing on with bucket lists... and I have.

My "thinking time", which I actually enjoy doing, has become the daily bus trips or occasionally a brief period snatched during the day. It's really simple. I write lists, that are not really lists, in a book and see what I can do of them. They're not really lists because they are more just 'things I would like to do if I get the opportunity' rather than 'things I must do or my life is bad'.  A very important mental distinction. The key thing that I am doing is in that in writing them down, I'm a) identifying these things as opportunities I would like to take if I get the chance b) identifying the time/space slot at which I am most likely to get these opportunities c) thinking through a little what is involved in trying to get these opportunities done d) even if I don't get the chance to take this opportunity in that time/space I've at least thought about it and will try to slot it in another time if it remains as something I continue to want to try to do.

It goes like this; I open my book (yes, a dead tree product with an implement for manually making marks), and I write some simple 'lists' about opportunities I might take during that day. All this exercise helps me to do is identify potential points at which opportunities to do things might happen, and which particular opportunities have a priority for me at the moment.

So for example here is Thursday's opportunity planning under their respective headings written on the bus in the morning:
- Work

• Cluster Actix
• Cluster Radioplan
• Check Natfly special event
• Prediction Tocal special event + area checks

- Lunch

• Cable for phone/Kindle
• Present for Geoff - freckles
• Tea purchase
• cardboard for book covers
• ring kitchen person
• International money transfer

-After Work

• DJs for tops
• Bunnings outdoor items, tap

The items I actually did?

• Cluster Actix
• Check Natfly special event
• Cable for phone/Kindle
• Present for Geoff - freckles
• Tea purchase
•  International money transfer

 Extra things that I took the opportunity to do instead which I didn't plan for:

• Spent an hour talking through explaining congestion with Capacity Planning
• Working through some additional special event data.
• Lunch with Dad
• Dying my hair
• Raiding with guildies

Pretty happy with the bits and pieces I got to do. It was nice having lunch with my Dad - the opportunity popped up that morning and I grabbed it as higher priority. Similarly raiding with my guildies - mid week it's often hard for me to get raids in. Other stuff can get done another day and did. It's more that if it had fitted in to do as an opportunity I would have grabbed it as I'd taken the time to think about it as something I wanted to do.

It doesn't have to be done every day. It doesn't have to cover off every thing. Sometimes I will think about dinner on my way home and that stops me making dumb decisions about what to eat when I'm too hungry to think. It's fluid. It can include very short term, mid term and long term items. It's written down so I can flick back. And it doesn't matter if it's on an old list, I can just make a new list ready for the new immediate future.
 
If I'd actually done my opportunity planning on Wednesday instead of the Thursday bus trip I would have bought the Kindle cable then because I dropped in on a friend in JB Hi Fi at Wednesday lunch - who possibly would have even offered me a discount. I didn't think of it. Because I didn't plan it. And that was an opportunity missed.

Opportunies.

Planning them.

Or at least planning where then might fit in.

Thinking hopeful things and not so much focusing on things that are missed.

Worth it.