Trust

So many differences in the whole approach to work now. In my old section I had set ways of doing work and it had to be 100% correct. In this new area, there is this rough concept of a goal for which we develop an understanding based on business need and business strategy, folded through with the various values we have around customers and with legal and regulatory needs. And 100%? Nice goal there. Let's try 50% if that on the first pass. I'm almost fell off my chair when my senior colleague told me this. About an hour later on the phone my friend who is similarly senior but working in a different industry at the same type of job told me the same and emphasises regularly it will never be 100%.

And this goes straight into the heart of my fears from what happened before and how I learnt how to deal.

Because when you're being bullied/discriminated/  - and I've learnt a new term here - mobbed, one of the ways they get at you is when you make mistakes, when you're not 100%.

I have to send work out that I know is less than 50%. And that goes straight into the heart of my fears. And I have to send it out like that asking for feedback. Be willing and ready for challenge and change.

There is zero room for defensiveness here. All those old rules and protections I've built because I had to before do not work here. If anyone challenges me like that - and they do as there are gossips who pick at people and snipe behind people's backs  - I just have to shrug and focus on the work.

But for the most part they're not like that. And that's another big thing I have to adjust to. As it's not such an overall toxic workplace, the the other areas I deal with are not so toxic, they don't behave in ways (mostly) where I actually have need to throw up my defences. There is a softness there. A willingness for suggestions. A willingness to work together and accept feedback and direction where needed. Everyone who approaches anyone starts with a kind of humility at least while everyone works out who is what where (it's a huge company so this is almost a constant thing to work out for all of us as people swap in and out and are moved around). 

And it all in the end comes back to trust. 

Each year or so I work on a word. Something to think about, something to theme, something that I want to understand in life. This year I was thinking I need to understand relationships better and was going to have the word 'community' but something made me change it just as I was sticking it up there to remind me to 'trust' instead. And... I'm glad I did. I mean practically what does trust mean? It's one of those words that I go, sure I know what it means... but then you think about it a bit more and everything is expressed in a kind of experiential way. So the dictionary definition "firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something." But these days the concept of truth is challenged everywhere. So no wonder I wonder about the concept of trust.

And it affects everything.