So on Friday I was out in the field with two consultants and one of them mentions that they'd lasted only 10 months with the company that I'd had consultants from on Wednesday and Thursday.
They asked me quite seriously how I dealt with sexism in the industry we're in. And waited for my reply.
I'm afraid I started to cry.
I pulled myself together and went back to being professional again but... um... really that's a sign isn't it? Time to go?
Today the new boss of our new little team agreed that we needed a get together. And looked and me and the graduate (female) and said we should organise something. Hmmm. I mean, it could be co-incidence.
Also, I asked my brother, as another memory came back, had he ever had it when he had made a technical statement and someone had looked at his boss standing next to him and asked if that was correct. He said he couldn't remember a time. I was the only female in that room of about 8 people. Was it because I was female? Was it because I was me?
I am heartsick. It hurts so much.
Monday 25 May 2015
Tuesday 12 May 2015
Wood. Trees. Building furniture or building bonfires.
The problem with this all is that I am both so close and so far away. While I say others will dismiss it all as individual incidents, even I myself, when I step back from it a bit, think, oh woah, that's insane.
How to react? What to do with this all? What is best? What is most loving? Part of me wants to pile it all in a heap and really get that fire going, a flash of ire for all the rage I didn't even realise I had reason for until these last few months.
But I've mostly all post processed it now, moved on and got over it. Mostly.
But still, I have this "thing" here, that I'm tossing from hand to hand wondering what I should do with it. My story I guess. And stories can be powerful things. I suspect most would say to just throw it away. But maybe my story could help someone? Or maybe not. Telling it could hurt me too. But part of me just doesn't care any more.
I do know that if someone were to say to me, would you recommend engineering as a career for girls I would still straight up say absolutely not. Or at least not if you are not in the top 5% of your class. I love it as a concept - engineering is totally where it is at if you get what it is - but as a practical reality? Be very careful if you are female making such a decision. I really wish I'd had someone to advise me personally against it.
How to react? What to do with this all? What is best? What is most loving? Part of me wants to pile it all in a heap and really get that fire going, a flash of ire for all the rage I didn't even realise I had reason for until these last few months.
But I've mostly all post processed it now, moved on and got over it. Mostly.
But still, I have this "thing" here, that I'm tossing from hand to hand wondering what I should do with it. My story I guess. And stories can be powerful things. I suspect most would say to just throw it away. But maybe my story could help someone? Or maybe not. Telling it could hurt me too. But part of me just doesn't care any more.
I do know that if someone were to say to me, would you recommend engineering as a career for girls I would still straight up say absolutely not. Or at least not if you are not in the top 5% of your class. I love it as a concept - engineering is totally where it is at if you get what it is - but as a practical reality? Be very careful if you are female making such a decision. I really wish I'd had someone to advise me personally against it.
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