But WHO should control this brave new virtual world of ours?

I realized today that one of my safest pieces of personal information - safe as in safe from identity theft - is my mobile phone number. It has to be unique by the way it is set up in the network, and any changes I will immediately notice or will be notified. Therefore by extension the network provider you choose is one of your most trusted agencies - whether you realise this or not. They always know your location, your history in terms of where you have been, who/what you have interacted with virtually, and all your personal details on your account.

Possibly quite obvious to all these large 3rd party providers and OS currently flouncing around trying to lever their way into every aspect of our lives.  And meanwhile mired in small-minded locality without realising how amazingly valuable what they have is, are the carriers sitting on this amazing connection - and people aren't talking about it.

Instead Apple has released a new watch.

Hilar. Even more hilar are the tech journalists who don't *get* how absolutely stunningly obvious this is.

R. E. S. P. E. C. T. isn't dealt with by discrimination training and proactive management

Hmmm. Well this is kind of fun... I am at the apex of what I suspect is an epithany trying to assimilate the view.

Recap:

So my colleague described a minor incident, which she commented about normally being able to laugh it off, which means it had happened more than once before. And there was enough in it for me to get a chill of recognition.

So I was trying to think of other times when I didn't recognise sexism.  Both in my own work and it happening to others when it was just 'minor' but there. And I remembered a chemical engineer I knew who changed jobs and she tried to give me a reason why. And what she said.

And I had read this article Why women are leaving the tech industry in droves and had been nodding along going ... yup yup... and then she concludes "respect" and I'm going "yes of course".

And then, while doing some training today for one of those must-take-so-we-can-tick-off-business-rules stuff I noticed I had been enrolled in discrimination training (again) last month - odd as we weren't told about it - so I thought I would knock that off while I was there.

And... respect doesn't come into discrimination/bullying/victimisation ... in a sense. I mean... it's obvious that if you're not disrespectful of someone you won't do those things... but it doesn't work the other way around. As in, you can not do those things... and still have no respect... but who wants to work in a place like that? And that was the end of that article - the note they decided to conclude on.

I've also been reading Every Good Endeavor by Tim Keller.  Which goes through reasons why work exists in this world, and the value of work. Like... there was work in the garden of Eden - to tend, not paving over, not leaving wild, but to develop for the good of humans - both food and flowers. If you can't develop the world at your workplace, well then, it's a pretty dead place.

So... what is 'respect'? Still thinking about that. What it is and what it isn't. When who/what I respect often shows a lot more about me than the person/object that is my focus. And this is helping me tease apart a little of my history and what happened to me.

And then I come home from work and I found this:Why sexism and inequality in tech is bad proven by maths by a journalist I respect because from the start of the gamer gate (deliberately separated for obfuscation) he has had the guts to fight back clearly and with care and thought. My sincerest thanks to David as his article is like the piece of sky that has been missing from this puzzle - the history, how to change, and some more of the why.

There is probably zero hope for my group at work. I mean, seriously after all this time? But it definitely changes the way I think about it. And more importantly how I think about it in relation to myself.

Hmmm. Probably be a two part post this one. But the view is mighty fine.

There are no angels and demons here

A friend pointed out that with all this STEM stuff, when I ranted on facebook, I'm getting angry at the wrong people. I'm getting angry at the people who encourage girls to go into STEM without realising the huge emotional cost this could potentially be to those girls personally, even if it is to some greater society benefit.

She points out that the people to get angry with are the perpetrators. But it's just not that easy.

Sexism in the workplace for the most part is like the death of a thousand paper cuts. You barely realise it's happening - either to yourself or to others. Most of the time it is the sum of many, many little things. Perpetrators and the managers and organisations under which this happen quite rightly see all these things as very minor. Because they are.

So I'm still at this job where all this stuff happened that has made me take this stance - things having settled down as everyone is polite to one another now and I'm respectfully given separate types of work. We have a reorganisation coming up though which means I should be given exactly the same type of work as my colleagues. Should be an interesting comparison. But anyway, I was chatting to one colleague in my team, and she mentioned a slight annoyance that she says happens from time to time but most times she can just laugh it off, and this particular annoyance she mentioned to anyone who hasn't been through this may have seemed like absolutely nothing.

But my blood ran cold. What she said is exactly the kind of thing that happened to me.

And it's happening to her. Right in front of me. She gets the top rating in performance reviews and it's still happening to her.

For the most part they are all nice people. And this is no big deal. You can't demonise these people, and there are many good things about them. But this is why people don't understand how sexism happens here.

My facebook friend says I should write about it. Still thinking about this. Because frankly even if I give you a lot of examples you, dear reader, will tell me that they are minor and nothing. And for the most part I will have to agree with you.

So why am I in tears? Why am I ripping myself apart over this stuff? Why am I trying to tell the world (and girls in particular as more and more I suspect this is gendered), if you are in a workplace or industry like this, GET OUT.