I have been fortunate enough to secure 2 secondments over the last several months out of my old area. The first starting from June last year was in a tiny software group making tools that my old area used (userbase about 450 people). The second starting late November in an area where I could do business analysis type work.
I worked out that I wanted to do business analysis type work talking to friends of mine who are BAs and listening to what other friends have done. I realised that some of the synthesising, coming up with solutions and communicating (including documentation) work I have a passion for over the years could be classified as this type of work. I've started doing training courses and the choice to do a secondment in a software development area was so that I would have a feel for how developers would operate so I could in turn be a better BA (although it was also great being told I had a natural bent for some of the programming concepts - I did enjoy that and can see the need to pick that up again on the side). The current secondment has been fantastic for learning the skills I need to move onto a BA position. Even better doing Solutions Analysis work - something I had not thought of doing and getting further into the technical side of things is where I naturally go. And recently I've done very well in a national competition at work for process fixing ideas where I could showcase all of these skills.
Although I've realise that the best thing that that competition has done has proved to *myself* I can do this. I can reach out to others and in a friendly way gather the information and actions I need to complete a project. I can inspire others with my ideas. I can explain clearly. I can present professionally. I seek out and incorporate good feedback. I can understand and take what I need from technical information. I can work out the leads to follow up later and focus on the information that I need in the immediate. I can do this. What is more I have received a lot of very positive feedback about both my idea, my persistence and my ability to communicate it from some very senior people.
And then last night I was chatting to a friend who is an industrial relations lawyer. I told her of my plans not to return to my old area but instead to take a mixture of annual and long service leave while looking for an internal (or external) position. I'm doing this because the thought of returning to my old area makes me "very" depressed.
I realised even before the end of the first day in that first secondment how much pressure I had been under in my old area that I hadn't even realised. I woke up early two days after that and realised I couldn't go back. Off and on over the few months I would get massive, scary depressive spikes. I eventually worked out what was triggering them was the thought of going back. And that has drawn a line in the sand. I hadn't realised until I was out that I was operating in constant fight or flight mode in my old area. Just stunning. It literally made me stupid and supposedly would have sapped my creativity - this is neurologically a genuine thing. Check the studies. I have recently been chatting to a friend saying I realise that I am more mentally healthy right now than I've been for years and she profoundly agreed. Another reason not to go back.
The sad bit is there is a new GM who I earnestly believe is for the first time doing it right. And the recent reorganisation has put me with the *only* team leader who, like the GM, actually gets it - genuinely understands how to lead people. But the state manager? A known micromanager. And the other team leaders? Well one of them is the one who bullied me years ago and known to have issues leading others. Another is known for gossiping and back stabbing, and not being all that nice to staff - and was a manager I had started a complaint for discrimination early last year but then decided not to proceed. I kinda laughed in a disbelief that wasn't disbelief. No one was surprised when these people were selected. Even if I go back to that team with the one good team leader we would be operating in a greater environment that is a product of the old culture - years and years, and generations and generations of a certain way of treating people.
So yeah I have a positive thing I'm working towards, and a thing I clearly should not go back to as it is bad for my mental health. And now my industrial relations lawyer friend is telling me it is not fair that I think I should take leave while finding another position. She thinks I should tell a doctor about the depressive spikes and take sick leave instead. And then they either find me another position or they might make me redundant. Problem with them making me redundant if it's not a genuine redundancy is that the taxation office would cause me additional problems - and that's not fair on me either.
Do I have the energy to do this? I really don't know if I could be bothered.
There is a currently a position in the area I am now seconding in. I've applied but the competition is stiff. So I'm not going to take action just now. I would just rather focus on the good and technically interesting things right now. I might ask for an extension of my secondment if I am not successful.
